We're All Going to Die

I alway knew the pigs had it in for us
I could see them plotting and scheming in their pens
The Porkopalypse has begun

Getting Home

You can have all the Grand Slams you want
I'll take a steal of home any day
The most exciting play in sports

My Itunes Top Ten Played 4/20 - 4/26

1. "Long As I Can See The Light" - Creedence Clearwater Revival
2. "I've Got Friends" - Manchester Orchestra
3. "Clap for the Killers" - Street Sweeper
4. "Long Time Gone" - The Dixie Chicks
5. "The Only One" - Manchester Orchestra
6. "Shake It Out' - Manchester Orchestra
7. "Ocean Breathes Salty" - Modest Mouse
8. "Unless It's Kicks" - Okkervil River
9. "Furr" - Blitzen Trapper
10. "Black River Killer" - Blitzen Trapper

I'm Too Lazy for Poetry

Queue Gets No Shorter

The red Netflix envelopes taunt me from across the room
Open, unwatched
Waiting weeks for me to notice them
Why do I pay for this?

Say "Cheese"

I find that I prefer terrible movies
Inept labors of love
Spectacularly bad films with a cult following
Mostly because those are the movies
I think I would make anyway

Delinquency

The city of Lilburn recently legalized karaoke in bars
Which was previously outlawed to prevent crime
Seems like a strong measure just to prevent felony against Foreigner

Keep the Reciept

A commercial proclaims
"If your shoes don't make you happy
Bring them back"

Philosophically
They must get a lot of returns

One of Forty-Two

From the Ma'at
An Ancient Egyptian moral code
"I have not multiplied words exceedingly"

Cruel Fate

I wish I could say "bollocks"
Without it sounding forced

Good Answer

I asked my friend's six-year-old
"Why is Spongebob cool?"
She replied
"Because it calms me down"

Missed Opportunities

All I had to say was
"Do you want a ride home"
And I would have gotten laid

Dissapointment

Dammit, Michael J. Fox
Where is my hoverboard?
Only six years left
Better get cracking

I Will Never Be This Clever

Intimidation

Nothing looms larger
Than five blank
Sheets of paper

Where to start
How to start
To fill them

Trouble

They're building a shopping center called Tribble Crossing
One coming near you
Just ask Kirk

Urban Jungle

Hiking home
I encountered a bird
Doing a mating dance
Who needs Planet Earth?

The Word

I like to stand next to street preachers
And yell at the top of my lungs
"Pray in your closet"
Most think I'm trying to oppress them

Colorblind Too

I found a purple tennis ball today
My dog would love the change of pace
If she wasn't dumb as a post

Graffitti?

Blatant vandalism is acceptable
On the walls of Art Buildings
In higher learning institutions

Overheard on Campus

"I paid fifty-five dollars for this haircut."

"Did it come with a happy ending?"

Nothing that ends in a faux-hawk is ever "happy."

Relativism

What happens to the coolness
Of a hat
After I place it
On my head

Boots

What amazing sights
My soles have seen
Other sandy sovereign lands
And the simple everyday

These boots were made for walking
Stepping

They have carried me
Covering my feet from the coarse Earth
The imprint etched and echoed
On the land and on the leather
The very dirt tattoos my togs
Telling a story

Remove one stride or add another
And the whole tale changes
If I had not trod along the wasteland
Wishing I were somewhere else
Would I amount
To the man I am today

Should my Pumas bear more purpose
Propelling me to progressively better panoramas

Should I count my steps carefully
Boots only have a finite span
Before they're all used up

No

Forward momentum is not reliant
On my boots moving
I will walk
One way or the other
Like Marines on the march
Making their way with the weight they bear on their backs

Lace me up, Lord
I'm leaving
The lore of my life is lacking resolution
I'll not waste another wanton moment

These boots were made for walking
Stepping

Each one brings me closer to oblivion
But I don't care
There's so much to see along the way

It's Superman

It's been said before
But Metropolitans must be dumber than rocks
They're just glasses

Terror

Here comes my degree
Now what?
Maybe film wasn't
The best major
After all

Quandry

Am I hungry
Or just bored?

Genius?

I would have thought of the Snuggie
But my arms were never trapped inside a blanket

Call Me Anti-Social

I have a facebook
It's called my High School Annual
If I wanted to interact with those pictures
I would have bothered to care when I saw the people in them
Every day

Now stop asking!

Thank Jesus!

Why would God
Require that we worship Him?
Does He really need the validation?
Supreme Beings don't have Ego problems

False Advertising

American Idol is misnamed
Does anybody actually idolize
Ruben Studdard
Taylor Hicks
Or even Kelly Clarkson

They should call it American Possible Mid-Level Singing Career

Perfection

Is there anything better
Than your favorite green hoody
Fresh from the dryer

A Happening

A girl, after presenting a project,
Passed out in my African American History class today
Try going on after that

The cops arrived
In the middle of the next group's presentation
Murphy's Law never fails

Fur Enough

Dear Morons,
Your dog is not a fashion statement
Please remove the sweater

Sighting

I thought I saw Brett Michaels at a baseball game



But I was in the nosebleeds, so it was probably Leif Garrett

Teabaggin'

Dear Conservatives,

Please remember to brush your teeth
After today's protests

Revealing Character

It doesn't matter what your vanity plate says
I will read it as DOUCHE

With Apologies to Dr. Seuss

This is Pete.
Pete is sweet.
Pete will never, ever tweet.
"I do not like to tweet," said Pete.
"I do not think it’s all that neat."

Would you do it in your seat?
Would you do it for a treat?

"I will not twitter in my seat.
I will not twitter for a treat.
I do not like to tweet," said Pete.
"I do not think it’s all that neat."

But it’s a place for folks to meet,
And keep their message short and sweet.

"I like to meet folks in the street,
and short and sweet means incomplete.
I will not twitter in my seat,
I will not twitter for a treat.
I do not like to tweet," said Pete.
"I do not think it’s all that neat."

You can follow thoughts discreet,
Posted by a tall athlete.
Or goings on of the elite.

"I do not care of what they bleat
Their brains are made of shredded wheat
Or maybe a bright parakeet
I like to meet folks in the street,
And short and sweet means incomplete.
I will not twitter in my seat,
I will not twitter for a treat.
I do not like to tweet," said Pete.
"I do not think it’s all that neat."

But have you tried to tweet, dear Pete?
You may find it quite the feat.

"Fine, I’ll try it," decided Pete.
"Then go away, you quaint deadbeat"

So I got Pete into his seat,
And gave him quite the tasty treat.
Sure he would concede defeat,
I listened as he said...

"God, this is fucking stupid."

Intestinal Fortitude

A man with a terrible toupee
Sat directly in front of me today
On the bus

It took everything I had
Not to pull the damn thing
From his head